growing up

Welcome to the family-

~ sharingmoxie ~ 2 Comments

Dear Newbie,

Today you will take the hand of beautiful girl. Her father will “give her away” today, but that’s not how it really works. You know that, right? She is joining your family and taking your last name, but we had her first.

I have loved this child since the day of her birth. I’ve been blessed that her mom and dad were willing to share her with me. Your parents are sharing today, too. Weddings are beautiful, but they are hard. Something new is beginning, but an entire way of life is ending. This joy stings.

I’ve learned that families become stronger when you open yourself up to others. We have adopted people, friends have become family, and today you are formally joining our family, but it doesn’t happen in a day. Families become what they are over a hundred gatherings of pizza, beer, and scrabble. The easter egg hunts that become legend and the inside jokes that make people laugh so hard they hurt. You’ll learn.

All I can ask is this: strive to be worthy of her. Every day. She’s lovely inside and out. Every family wants the next generation to be all of the good stuff and less of the bad. Her parents and their combined gene pool knocked it out of the park with her. She’s a hell of a lot nicer, kinder, and goodness personified than all of us on our best days. Don’t take this for granted.

You love her. That’s where it all starts. You haven’t been really tested yet, but you will be. Life will eventually throw death, loss, change, and hardship your way. It happens to all of us. How you struggle through it sets the tone for the rest. If you continue to come back to a place of love, you’ll be alright.

Welcome to the swirling vortex that is our tribe. The woman that you are walking down the aisle today used to love to twirl around in dresses. Did you know that? She used to shout out, “Watch me, watch me! Are you watching me?” I’ve been watching since the beginning. I’m honored to watch you both together now. Keep her twirling and you’ll always have a seat at my table. Welcome to the family. We’ve been waiting for you.

Keep sharing moxie.

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Speak Your Truth

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present

Speak your truth. Even as I write this I  am mindful of the fact that speaking your truth does not always parlay into speaking “the truth”. Speaking your truth is what you hold in your heart and believe to be true. Product matters, but so does process. I’m not particularly proud to say that I have, on occasion, written and made some rather scathing remarks. Some of these things needed to be said, but I regret the way I said them (some of them, I’m no saint). On the other hand, there are times that I have not said anything and I wish that I had. Speak your truth when you’re afraid. Speak your truth when you think it doesn’t matter; it does. Stop saying you’re fine, when you’re not.

I’ve been working on this and just so you don’t think I’m all rah-rah bullshit, I’d like to share my early results in order to encourage any of you that are on the fence. Last year my birthday was spent at a Chinese Buffet with a toddler having a melt-down. I said I didn’t care what we did for my birthday (I did) and however we spent it would be fine (it wasn’t). I ended up being crazy mad at my husband which was met with bewilderment, “you said it didn’t matter”. The Chinese Buffet showdown  of 2015 wasn’t fair to him and it was just ridiculous on my part. This year I was direct, explicit and very encouraging: I’d like to go on a trip with nice restaurants, galleries and, no, I don’t want the kids along. Nailed it. See exhibit A above(my birthday present) and B below, as pictured.

restaurant

Life isn’t all wine on a Saturday afternoon dining al fresco, so in my day to day hum drum life I’ve been practicing this, too. I have been setting up one on one meetings, some easy, some hard to speak my truth. On that note, speak  your truth and then shut-up and listen. We connect so little face to face with people these days that sometimes when you speak your truth and listen, you might cry, you might soften a little. In my book, that’s a lovely thing. You have little time for posturing when you are sitting face to face with someone, if your intent is honest and true, there is so much less of that. An e-mail is quick, where a real conversation takes time, but is a true foundation you can build upon. So far I haven’t regretted one moment of the time I have spent doing this, time well spent.

Speak your truth, kindly. You can say the same thing any number of ways. Be charitable until you know you’re being played. Then continue to speak your truth in a way that you can look yourself in the mirror and know that you have done everything you possibly can. Sleep well with that truth then, even if the change you wish doesn’t occur.

Speak your truth, but know it’s only your truth in this moment. You may change, too. I have.

Keep sharing moxie!

 

The French Press Dilemma…

~ sharingmoxie ~ 3 Comments

frenchpress

My daughter thinks she’s had a rough week. Her french press jammed and her Insta-Hot machine broke. Are you freaking kidding me? This takes #firstworldproblems to a whole new level. I’ve worked hard to make sure that my kids have been afforded different opportunities than I did, but I think I’ve gotten it wrong. Really wrong.

I’m taking my daughter to Europe next June, but now I really feel that what she needs is a mission trip. My intentions in supporting, protecting, and loving her to bits has been well intentioned, but maybe I’ve been missing the mark. Maybe we’re all doing a little too much here with this generation. If her world is rocked by her french press jamming…with her private tea collection…in her walk-in closet, um… good grief.

Let me be clear, this isn’t her fault. She hasn’t been exposed to the harsh realities of life, and that’s on me. It’s Memorial Day this weekend and when I think about past generations stepping up to serve, I am humbled. These brave men and women went into battle, whether they always agreed with the fight or not, to serve and to protect. They were moved by something greater than themselves.

As parents and grandparents, we try to do better, for our children and grandchildren to have more, better, and in greater abundance than we did. In all things though, there must be a balance. I think we’ve reached the tipping point. I’m not going to bash teenagers today, because I know some awesome kids with untapped potential. It’s easy to pick on “kids today”. I think we’ve always done that, which is a cop out. Today, I’m going to say “parents today”. I include myself in this merry gang of enablers. Let’s step up.

I don’t want my legacy to be a kid that crumbles over a french press, but one that leans in and serves. I don’t want to ask less or her, to make her comfortable, because it’s just easier for me to do things. I want her to know how to make a meal, take care of herself, look people in the eye, and help others. I want my daughter to be a person I want to spend time with, and that others do, too. This is on me. At a certain point it will be on her, but today, it’s me. And you.

The world is already full of wankers; let’s try to do better. Let’s say “no” more. Sacrifice is something that was once well known, it’s unheard of today. Delayed gratification was once a given, but it’s something that we must intentionally cultivate now. French press boot camp starts today. Hold on to your i-phones, this mom just got a backbone.

Keep sharing moxie.

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Dear Tween, It gets better…

~ sharingmoxie ~ 5 Comments

itgetsbetter

Dear Tween,

It gets better. I promise.

Right now your teeth are too big, your mom won’t get you contacts, and your best friends are suddenly too cool for you.

It gets better. I’m old(er), and have a number of professional initials behind my name, so I speak with some authority. Trust me on this.

One day, and it will happen so quickly and slowly all at once, you will be happy and your life will feel like your own.

And then you will fall in love. And it will get better. And worse. Your friends will change. They will be more fun, and yet make you sad because they don’t know your history.

Soon enough you will grow into your teeth and your gangly legs. You will look around the room and know you are at the top of your game. Good God, relish these moments. They are fleeting, but it gets even better.

One day you will travel and your world will get bigger. You may get married. Or not. You might have children. Or not. Through it all, you will find your way.

Know this, it gets better and better. Heaven knows you shouldn’t have to have to carry off the triple crown of an ugly hair cut, huge glasses, and a lace trimmed blouse ever again. Many years from now, dear tween, you will find a picture of yourself so hideous, that you will feel compelled to laugh. And post it. And tell your younger self, and every tween you know, that…

It gets better.

Keep sharing moxie–

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